New Life

The past couple of months have been eye opening to say the least.

I am not invincible.

As I grew in Christ, I became confident. However, I misplaced my confidence. Where I should have placed confidence in God, I placed it in myself. In my own abilities and strengths. And I have fallen hard. I have found myself empty and unsatisfied, hungry and thirsty, crawling with what little life I have left to where I remember that I once found satisfaction and rest. Approaching the source of life, I become scared and frozen, and my track back to my first true love is halted.

But I have arrived.

Here I am, yet again, in the presence of the God who never left me. In the presence of my patient, loving, and holy Father.

"Come close, listen to the story, about a love more faithful than the morning..."

I am a slave to physical and emotional intimacy. I seek after it, I worship it, I value it, I long for it, I serve it, I work for it, I live for it, I accept it, I praise it, I justify it, I would kill for it, I would sacrifice myself for it, I would lay down other things for it. I need it, I crave it, I ingest it, I am addicted to it, I devour it, I hunger for it, I seek it, I fall down for it, I'm wounded by it, I go crazy for it, I am desperate for it, I find my identity in it.

And it leaves me empty. It abandons me, it leaves me alone, it steals my peace, it robs me of joy, it takes all my energy, it is elusive  it hides from me, it tricks me, deceives me, it blinds me, it enslaves me, ensnares me, it destroys me, it changes me, it envelops me, it consumes me, it possesses me, it kills me, it digs my grave, it divides me, it drives a wedge in my relationships, it distorts my view, it strangles me, it holds me captive, it offers me no liberty it locks me up, it puts shackles around my hands and feet, it shoves me down, it laughs at me, it ridicules me, denies me, it runs from me, it CRIPPLES me.

So I worship it. Because I am its slave. I have given myself to this desire. It is my life and it is my death. I am a slave to to physical and emotional intimacy. It is my master. I am bound.

My future holds heartache, brokenness, emptiness, failure, insecurity, low self esteem, unworthiness, lost dreams, hopelessness, dependency, addiction, slavery, unrest, anxiety, depression, sorrow, apathy, endless searching, frustration, anger, resentment, bitterness, abandonment, restlessness, recklessness, hurt, wounds, injuries, false hope, broken promises, dirtiness, isolation, a hardened heart, numbness, indictment, judgment, DEATH.

I will live in this hell for the entirety of my existence. Because I am a slave to physical and emotional intimacy.


Interruption. In the courtroom, a man steps in just as I am about to receive my life sentence. He proclaims my innocence though I know it has been long lost. He pleads guilty for my wrongs. He takes the yoke and burden of my slavery and lays his very life before the judge, as a payment. As I look into the eyes of this unknown man, there's something very familiar about Him. It's like I've known Him my entire life - maybe longer. There's a sense in me that He is outside of me, yet a part of me. My heart instantly begins to yearn for Him, to long for Him, as I reach out for Him, He embraces me...like a child. As he takes my hand in His, I realize a distinct scar...and as His embrace surrounds me, I feel a change take place.

The blood of Christ washes my sins away.

"Therefore if anyone is in Christ, He is a new creation. The old has passed away, behold, the new has come." 2 Corinthians 5:17

He changes my name, and my identity. I take upon myself his yoke and find something new.

I am a slave to CHRIST. I adore Him. I sing His praises. I gaze upon His beauty. I relish HIs Word. I trust in His promises. I long for Him. I yearn for Him. I am satisfied by Him. I find hope in Him. I bow before Him. I worship His holiness. I stand justified before Him. I need Him. I thirst for Him. I run after Him. I find Him. I rest in Him. I love Him. I am captivated by Him. I am amazed by Him. I sacrifice for Him. I lay myself down before Him. I forgive because of Him. I am filled by Him. I FOLLOW HIM.

"He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul." Psalm 23: 2-3

He leaves me NEVER. He cherishes me. He hold me. He carries me. He sings over me. He gives me victory. he redeems me. He takes my place. He fights for me. He provides for me. He RESTORES my soul. He loves me. He adores me. He betroths me to Himself. He is preparing a place for me. He calls me into the Secret Place. He leads me with strong hands. He corrects me. He convicts me. He justifies me. He covers me. He remakes me. He fulfills me. He satisfies me. He ravishes my heart. He consumes me. He washes me. He DIED for me.

He saves me.

He gives me a right to His inheritance.

"But to those who did receive Him, who believed in His name, He gave the right to be called children of God." John 1:12

My NEW future holds: love, joy, endless praise, fulfillment, hope, passion, commitment, promise, peace, purpose, hardship, strength, trials, purity, redemption, security, protection, provision, mistakes, restoration, fulfilled promises, romance, wonder, adventure, a wedding feast, renewal, intimacy, glory, righteousness, LIFE.

So I lay my idols down upon the altar of the LORD - the Most High God, and I put to death my old self, and put on the righteousness of Christ - I find the intimacy I desired - I find Life - and life to the fullest.

"Put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness."
Ephesians 4:22-24

And forever I will proclaim the good news of His love.

OH, How He Loves.