Unanswered Questions

So...I don't know exactly how to say this but...I don't understand the ways of God.

I know. Duh, right? Of course I don't understand the ways of God. He's, well, God. For "who has understood the mind of the Lord, or instructed Him as His counselor?" (Isaiah 40:13). He is holy, worthy, good. My mind just cannot understand that.

And this is really amazing and mysterious and wonderful until it starts to affect my life. Things get frustrating when I surrender my life to God. His plan is completely different than my own, and right now, in the midst of a BUNCH of changes, I don't understand why these things happen.

There is a missing link. An explanation just floating around that I haven't seen yet.

I had my life planned out. I was so comfortable and happy. Don't get me wrong, I'm SUPER happy right now. Just a little confused. So, I had this big plan. And God was a part of it! God placed His calling on my life and He has been faithful to me through every season. Somewhere along the way I started walking down a path that I thought was God's will...turns out it wasn't. So basically He destroyed my plans completely. He broke me. And I thought I understood for a while. But now I don't.

As I look back, it just doesn't make sense. I try to explain the past year of my life to people and they never understand. And I can't blame them! I don't understand it either. There's a missing link. And I feel like I NEED that link in order to move on. I'm okay with the fact that He changed the course of my life, and I'm so excited to see where He leads! I just feel like I will never be able to move on from my past until I understand why this happened, and what it means moving forward. This is when I have to have faith.

Some people would say that God is cruel for destroying the plans of His people and changing their lives. But I would bet that EVERY man or woman who has been through this would testify to God's unending goodness. He is faithful and just. Just because I don't understand His ways doesn't mean that they are wrong. I always tell people that when things don't make sense in life, it almost always has the mark of God on it. Like, when things start to get confusing, He undoubtedly is working in the midst of your mess in order to open your eyes to His grace and goodness. I know that's what's happening here.

I'm just waiting for that aha! moment. And even if I never really get it, I know still that God is good. Like I've said before, He is one hundred percent worthy of my trust, and I have never seen Him forsake His people (Psalm 37:25).

So, God is working in my midst. His plan is unraveling constantly. I cannot wait to see where He leads and I look forward to waking up to his mercies each morning, because the gospel is fresh with each new day.


Even in the middle of confusion and frustration, when I'm angry and foolish....Yes, even then, How He Loves!