Bind My Wandering Heart to Thee...

Since the day I got to college (a little over a month and a half ago), I've been obsessed with finding my husband. Almost every single guy I meet, I instantly analyze to see if he has "the one" potential. I'm just going to be honest, it's gotten out of hand.

Hannah and I have been talking about boys A LOT. For a while we were seriously analyzing absolutely everything about relationships to the point that it became a burden. Shortly afterwards, we decided that we need to lighten up a little bit and not take it so seriously. So, we went to the other extreme. Obsessing over boys like it's no big deal, constantly talking about our future husbands, totally losing sight of our entire purpose. Needless to say, it wasn't long before one of us got hurt. It wasn't Hannah.

Well, we've been through both extremes in less than a month (can you say bipolar?). Tonight, we had the best talk yet. It started off a little bit crazy. I found a guy that I feel like is perfect for me. Like, seriously. This guy is crazy about Christ and the gospel, he has great taste in music, is musical himself, and a ton of other things that fit perfectly with who I am. Plus, we're acquaintances so it's not totally unrealistic. Hannah and I gushed about him for a little bit, pondering whether I'll marry him (don't judge us, please!!). After this, we moved on to this guy who is literally in love with Hannah, and has been for several years. We once again pondered the possibility of marriage and something crazy happened.

A couple of weeks ago I met a guy named Ben. I was going to visit my friend Daniel, and he was with him. He is probably the most interesting person I have ever met, and has an absolutely BEAUTIFUL story of redemption. Seriously. He's also a musician. He plays the guitar and sings lovely songs about how Jesus saved his life and restored his soul by His grace. Anyway, Ben said something interesting. He said that if we are in Christ, we have the Holy Spirit within us, which means that we have a wellspring of knowledge available to us when we need it. He was trying to convince Daniel that something was not quite what God intended for him, and so Ben was arguing that if Daniel really thought about it, he truly knew in his heart what the answer was.

Well, I tested that theory a few times, and let me tell you, it seems to be true. I'm not going to make any theological statements about it, because I don't know the Biblical basis of such a claim, but I do know that God's Word tells us that if we ask for wisdom, God will be gracious to give it to us when we need it (James 1:5). Once again, His Word proves true...

Anyway, that was a little bit off the path, but we're back to the conversation between Hannah and I. We both know what God is calling us to at this moment. Singleness. We don't know for how long and we don't know where He is leading, but this is our calling right now. I'm just going to be honest and say I don't like it. I haven't exactly been single very often in the past few years. I've only had 2 boyfriends, but they were both very long relationships, so the past 2 months of singleness has been the longest stretch I've gone without having a boyfriend since I was, well...13.

But you know what? There has NEVER been a time in my life when God was not faithful. Ever. He has consistently proved Himself worthy of my trust and I've heard countless other Christians say the same thing. And when it comes down to it, my purpose in life is not to find a husband. My life's purpose is to somehow glorify the great God that gives me life. To offer what little life I have to the glory of His name. And something else I've realized lately is that the love of Christ for His Bride is SO SWEET. Like, it's mindblowing. Inconceivable. Like, really, I'm getting emotional just writing about it. It's like the song says "On and on and on it goes. Yes, it overwhelms and satisfies my soul. And I never ever have to be afraid, this one thing remains. Your love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me." So, even if it is my calling to remain single for the entirety of my life on earth, how sweet would that actually be? I mean, I'll be practical and say that it would be hard to watch all my friends get hitched and have cute little babies, but seriously. Compared to the DEEP love of Christ, what is all of that?

It is filthy rags.

So, Lord. Love. Christ. Bind my wandering heart to Thee. Allow me to bask in your glorious love all the days of my life, and accept what little I have to offer as a sacrifice of complete love and adoration. Please, please, please, my Lord.

So Hannah and I have decided to TRUST GOD. We're giving up these crazy antics. We're surrendering. We know that it'll be hard and that Satan will throw all his tricks in our face and fill us with ridiculous lies. But nonetheless we surrender to a God - the God - who is worthy of our complete trust. Marriage may come. It may not. But one thing remains....the deep, wide, and endless love of Christ. Capture my heart again.


And I'm convinced that eternity will not be long enough to sing your praises.



"Oh to grace how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be.
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord I feel it. Prone to leave the God I love.
Here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it. Seal it for Thy courts above."


Oh, my soul...
How He loves.