Oh Heavy Heart of Mine

Somali Pirates.

This is what grieves my heart today.

I watched the movie Captain Phillips yesterday and was smacked in the face with the stark reality that there are bad people out there who have no choice but to be bad.

But my soul whispers to me that they're not actually bad.

My soul feels their hidden goodness. It feels their desperation and fear. It so deeply feels their sense of hopelessness.

And then I feel hopeless.

Why do I have so much? I have everything. It is easy for me to be good. I don't have any worries. I have every need met on Maslow's hierarchy of needs. It's no real sacrifice for me to do good things.

But people with no hope, people with no protection, no livelihood, no money, no job, no family, no LOVE - they have no choice.

Be bad or die.

That's the choice life gives them. Life says go out and steal and hurt and kidnap and destroy and take what is not yours and assert your power and live to make others fear and you'll survive. Otherwise, stay meek and humble and weak and die. Die in desperation and hopelessness.

This is what is seems like life gives them. And it does not seem fair. It seems so wrong. 

And I can't help but wonder why God would allow it to be that way. It's not fair that it's so easy for me to be good and so easy for them to be bad.

If I'm good, people praise me and bless me and love me. If they're good, people take advantage of them, kill them, destroy them.

Where is my God? Is he near to them? Is he close to their broken hearts? Does he hear their helpless cries in the night? Does he have mercy on them?

Does he love them? 

And I find myself praying in desperation that God will just make it known to me that he isn't absent from all of this. I have to know that he has some sort of plan through all of this. I have to know that he loves those people and that his heart breaks the same way mine does when it sees their scared, lonely souls and their acts of wickedness.

I need to see his eyes and see the tears welling and the arms reaching out, trying to save them.

Oh, my God, will you open my blind eyes?

Oh, my God, will you make known to me your love for bad people? Will you make known to me who you are? Will you show me your heart and your face and your eyes?

Oh, my God, where have you gone?

It feels like you've left us here alone. It is so hard to see you anywhere now. All I see is selfishness and ignorance and greed. All I feel is brokenness and helplessness and confusion.

Oh, my God, won't you save us?

Won't you put an end to our suffering and teach us who we should be? Won't you provide for us so that we can serve you? Won't you heal our broken hearts?

Oh Jesus, won't you lift this heavy heart of mine? 

Love Your Enemies

When Jesus tells us to love our enemies, surely He doesn't mean the pot-head who cheated on your sister with 6 different girls and ruined 3 of your family's cars while your parents provided a place for him to stay and food to eat just to have him turn around and get your sister in trouble with the law with an impending felony, right?

I'm not kidding, this is a real situation. With ZERO exaggeration, believe it or not.

So here's a hard question: Does Jesus call me to love him?

It's funny because when I see these words in my Bible to love my enemy (Matthew 5:44), the image I have of enemy is someone who hates me for no reason. Someone who has done a million bad things to me. Someone who has stolen from me or hurt me.

I don't think of the guy who tried to ruin my sister's life.

I don't think of the woman who unashamedly stares at my other sister who is disabled.

I don't think of the man who tells my dad off after he refereed a game over one stupid call - my dad who is the most honest, wise man I know. My dad who breaks his back and gave up his dream to be our provider, caregiver, and supporter.

I don't think of people I've seen who ceaselessly take my mom for granted and disrespect her despite the fact that she has sacrificed for them and has forgiven them an infinite amount of times without them even saying sorry.

But these are my enemies. It's easy to love people who hurt me, but when someone hurts or disrespects my family, an all consuming anger rises within me that begs to be set free in the form of physical, verbal, or virtual retribution.

I just want to tell someone off.

But is this what it means to love? Is this what Jesus means by love your enemy?

This is an EXTREMELY hard question for me.

Because I feel like if I am not hateful to these people, I am condoning what they do. I feel like I am the one disrespecting my family.

Maybe this is where the bit about hating your mother and father comes in...

"If anyone comes to Me, and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple."
Luke 14:26

This is really hard to swallow. I don't like it. It feels wrong. It goes against everything the world has taught me since I was born. 

These are the moments when my faith is truly tested. I started to type a very firm, defensive message to this bozo who messed with my sister, and I instantly felt convicted. The world tells us that this is a fine thing to do. In fact, it tells us that this is the RIGHT thing to do. But really, this is the opposite of right. And many people look at these words of Jesus and completely twist them to fit their comfortable lives so that they can hold onto their pride and never have to actually reduce themselves to the level of LOVING evil people. 

Wake up, world. The words of Jesus are pretty clear.

These are the kinds of people we are called to love. And NO, your attempt at telling them off and calling it "tough love" does not count. There is a time for rebuking, but when it's done with an attitude of anger and followed with the cone of silence, a death glare, or a punch in the face, IT IS NOT LOVE, OKAY?!

I still have to work through what this means. I don't know how to treat people like this. People who obviously have a lapse in any kind of moral judgment. People who seem to have mean spirits and cold hearts. But what I do know is that I am not called to judge them. Even many Christians would disagree with me on this, but I believe the words of Jesus were clear, and I have no intention of twisting them - because every time I've done that in the past, I've looked back with regret and despair. 

So, how do I love people like this? Well...I don't know. I think it takes practice. I know it won't be easy. I know it will take FAITH in God and TRUST in His commands. But I also know that those who seek the kingdom first and its RIGHTEOUSNESS will have worldly "necessities" added to them (Matthew 6:33). So I will trust in the word of God and follow Him even when it's hard and I don't like what it requires of me. I will trust that this is for His glory and that it will bring me joy in the end. 

Will you join me in being radical about following Christ? Will you join me in loving the unlovable? I'm not talking about the dirty, poor and forgotten; I'm talking about the disgusting, rotten, filthy, and corrupted. Because how much better are we, really? Because the Bible tells us that even our best acts are filthy rags before a Holy and Perfect God (Isaiah 64:6). But still God loves us with a love immeasurable and a grace inconceivable. Oh, that He loved us while we were still His enemies!! (Romans 5:10) 



Oh....   How He Loves.