Rulez

Below is a list of general rules in life to which I am NOT the exception.

You see, I've realized that because I've been somewhat fortunate in life, I have come to believe that general rules don't apply to me. I honestly believe I am the exception to every rule.

Well. I'm wrong.

So.

Just in case I ever start to think that way again, I'll provide a dandy little list to look back on of rules that I have come to discover that do, in fact, apply to me.

Rule #1: If you lift with your back and not with your legs, you will suffer.

Because for some reason I believed that my little body could lift something rather weighty using my back and wrist muscles, ignoring what I consciously remembered about there being a proper form for doing this sort of thing. Bend the knees. Lift with those bent knees, keep your back straight. Instead, I locked my knees, bent my back and pulled with all the might in my tiny, little wrists.

And now I'm suffering.

This realization hit me when I went down to sleep last night and EVERY MUSCLE IN MY BODY SEIZED UP AND TWISTED ALL AROUND AND LEFT ME NEARLY PARALYZED. And it hit me again today when my wrist throbbed any time I used my hand. And it hits me even now as a strange shooting pain makes residence in my right elbow.

Just don't lift heavy things in general. That's my new rule. No exceptions.

Rule #2: If you don't write it down, you'll forget it.

Well, after scheduling exactly 4 things for the same exact time one day and not realizing it until about an hour before these events, I found that there is a beauty in keeping a calendar where you can write things like this and keep track of important notes. So if you ask me to hang out now, I'll have to check my calendar to see if I can pencil you in. ;)

Rule #3: You'll find yourself in college/your early 20's. 

"You know, I HATE it when people say you'll find yourself in college. I've known who I was since 6th grade." Direct quote, L. Presley circa 2012.

"I have no idea who I am. Maybe I've turned into a hippie." Direct quote, L. Presley. circa 2013.

I mean, I guess that's pretty self-explanatory. I guess I'm finding myself now or something.

Rule #4: You will not marry your 7th grade sweetheart. 

Oh this one is an oldie but such a goodie. Yes, I did believe that I was going to marry my boyfriend when I was 14. "Oh, of course it's going to be hard to wait 7 or 8 years until it will be socially acceptable to get married, but we are MADE for each other. I mean, I think he's cute and he's getting his braces off in like 6 months so he's practically perfect. It's going to work out."

Not.

Rule #5: Your parents are right. 

About everything.

Almost.

But really. I thought it was the worst thing EVER when they totally ruined my life by taking my computer out of my room when I was 14, but turns out it's one of the best parenting decisions that they ever made. Thanks to mom and dad, I'm not a socially awkward recluse that hides in my bedroom all day.

And they were right about other things, too. Like that fact that even though I couldn't stand to be within a 20 feet radius of my sister when I was a kid, someday we would be best friends and we would laugh about the fact that we used to hate each other.

It's like they're psychic or something. Really, HOW did they know that?

So I guess they know a thing or two. One might even call them wise.

Rule #6: If you don't change the oil on your beat-up, clunker car and keep a decent amount of gas in it, it WILL die forever. 

RIP Eunice
2001-2013

Rule #7: Spending too much time on social media will make you discontent.

I'd like to believe that I have the special immunity to the "Everyone else has everything I want bug" that comes from spending too much time looking at other people's lives on the internet, but I actually have about zero antibodies to fight against that disease so that's no good. The red "x" button is your friend, Lauren. No more Facebook today. Go talk to a real human face and appreciate what you have.

Rule #8: You don't have everything all figured out at 19. 

Because a good chunk into my 19th year of life, I walked around thinking I had everything under control simply because I understood everything. I'm perfect. I know how people work and I know how I work. I know how the world works. I'm a professional at living life. But now that I'm 20, I'm wiser and know a little bit more which means I know that I, in fact, know absolutely nothing about anything.

Dang it.

Rule #9: Reminiscing through past relationships is unhealthy.

I know it seems like it'll be fun to just take a peek back into the past, but there comes a point when you just have to let the past remain right there behind ya. It's not going anywhere. You don't have to check every five minutes to see if it's still there. You also don't have to check your ex's social media sites every day to see if they're still alive. Yes, yes, you're TOTALLY over them and you're just CURIOUS. Still, just stop.

Rule #10: If he doesn't obviously pursue you, you're not going to marry him. 

Sure he's been nice in the past and maybe he's nice to you now, but the truth is that when "the one" comes along, he'll probably make himself the one, and it won't be an accident.

Because I spent way too much time my freshman year of college analyzing every word that every boy said to me trying to figure out if they were my future husband. And it was awkward and weird.

So stop dreaming that Billy Bob who isn't really even much of a friend  to you will come in a grand gesture of romance and glory and profess his undying love for you. If he likes you that much, he'll make sure you know. And if he doesn't let you know, that's weird and you don't want to marry him.

Rule #11: Saying sorry first is always the best choice. 

Even if it means you're the only one to say sorry. I used to think that since I was always absolutely, completely correct about everything, this rule didn't apply to me. But again, now I'm 20 and I'm super wise and know that I'm actually usually wrong and that life is just a lot easier when you possess a good dose of humility.

Rule #12: Lack of sleep will destroy you.

Being the girl who allegedly thrives  off of 4 hours of sleep, I'm definitely the exception to this rule. Or at least I thought I was until chronic tiredness swept over me like a giant tidal wave. I'm thinking that I'll probably catch up on sleep, uh, never.

Rule #13: You need to use spellcheck and read back over what you write. 

Because even though it's kind of funny when you accidentally tweet "just sitting here being amazing" instead of "just sitting here being amazed," it's not as funny when you write in your final project paper for physics that "piano strings create different b****es..." rather than "piano strings create different PITCHES."

Super genius or not, when you're typing at 2am, you're going to make mistakes. Check back over it and save yourself from such mortification.

Rule #14: If you don't keep your emotions in line, you're going to get physically ill.

I've always been an emotional person. I've always taken pride in being sensitive and being able to feel deeply. But sometimes, emotions are toxic. And when I refused to keep my emotions in check, well, my body taught me a lesson. I came down with the shingles on the left side of my head, due to emotional stress. For a month I dealt with pins and needles tingling, shooting pain, extreme tenderness, insomnia, etc. because of my failure to get a grip. And to this day, three months later, I still have tender spots on my head left from it.

Don't get me wrong, sometimes you gotta let it out. Express yourself. But when expressing your emotions turns into a month-long marathon of weeping and wallowing, it's time to give yourself a pep talk and get back in the game before the game knocks you out. Or something.

Rule #15: You won't stay in contact with your high school best friend who moves away.

Oh wait. There's one that I can actually call myself an exception to! ( Love you Hannah).


Okay, I'll end it with

Rule #16: Life goes on. 

Because when my mom tried to highlight my hair when I was 12 and ran out of bleach and my hair ended up being yellow in the front and brown in the back, I thought I was going to die. But it turns out that hair grows and you can cut the old stuff off.

And when my BFF moved to Iowa in Jr. High I thought surely I'd never see joy again. But then I met the friend that I spend HOURS with on the phone daily and have shared countless hilarious memories with since. And said bff who moved to Iowa is still one of my very best friends, despite all those miles between.

And yesterday I felt lonely and kind of like a failure, but then today I tripped while holding up my sister, Emily who has cerebral palsy and brain damage, and she thought it was hilarious and we sat there and laughed for about ten minutes straight and my heart nearly burst because it was so full.

Life goes on. 

And you know, a few times along the way, you find out that you've been naive and foolish, but you know what, you learn your lesson and move on. You find out that you're not the exception to the rule and furthermore that you're actually the textbook example of the rule. You laugh at the silly things you thought and did and shake your head at the stupid moves you made and resolve to try to think a little more clearly in the future.

You admit that God is God and that life is a gift and bow your head in reverence to a patient God who bears with our foolishness and naiveté and plead that He will continue to be patient as you choose your path. You thank Him for allowing you to enjoy good things in life even though you totally suck as person about 90% of the time. You press onward and do the best with what you have and be honest with yourself about who you are.

And good grief, you dance a little bit. 

Because you can't not smile while busting a move.







How He Loves.