The Link

A couple of weeks ago I hit a really rough spot where things in my life just didn't seem to add up at all. I actually wrote about it in a previous post that you can read here. Basically, I just didn't understand why God had torn certain things out of my life and I didn't understand why I was so deeply broken and confused. A few days after that, I went for a really long drive. That night there was such a deep hurt and I just poured my heart out to God. My main question was "How could you take that part of me and then not fill it?" I knew that there was a reason that so many changes took place so quickly, but it felt like God had just left a gaping wound there, a huge void that I thought He wasn't filling.

I knew that wasn't true.

I knew that the real reason I felt so unfulfilled was because I wasn't allowing God to fill that spot. Even so, I was just confused about WHY things had to happen this way. A few nights ago, I found the link.

I was at Navs for worship, and the message was about the meaning of the Gospel to those who are already in Christ. The speaker said that before we're saved by grace, we are desperate and we have this attitude like, "I just can't do this on my own...it's impossible...I'll never be good enough!" And that's so right, we can't do it on our own, so we run to the arms of Jesus for our salvation. When we are saved, something interesting (and pretty ridiculous) happens. For some reason, we feel like now we can do things on our own. Like, we have this newfound strength within us that means we can do things independently of God.

Uh, wrong.

I need the Gospel of Christ JUST as much today as I needed it the day I was saved. When I was hearing all of this, it reminded me of a place I was not too long ago. Several months ago I was in a place of really deep frustration that brought such anxiety to my life. It seemed to me that I could not escape my sins. I prayed desperately that God would allow me the strength to overcome them and I didn't understand why I kept failing even after praying that. Well, I know now that the reason was I was trying to do it on my own. I had a list of sins to stay away from and essentially became very legalistic in the way I lived. And I failed. Every. Single. Day. And even worse, when I did "succeed," I felt empty and alone. I wasn't dependent upon the grace of God.

So anxiety plagued my life. Turns out, when you try to control your life and take the reins from God, peace is NO WHERE to be found. I remember journaling about this feeling of constant restlessness, wondering if true peaceful joy would ever find me. I wondered when I would wake up in the morning and NOT be stressed out. I couldn't remember the last time I was happy, and I didn't see any hope for this joy in the future. I prayed for release and it didn't seem to come. In fact, it seemed like the opposite of my prayers came true. Every plan I had fell apart.

Little did I know, this was the solution. So you know how I said there was a missing link? (I'm laughing as I write this, because it's just so obvious to me now...) The missing link was THE GOSPEL. The missing link was my Savior. Why did everything fall apart? Because I was living in my own strength. I believed I could conquer my sin. I couldn't. So God literally took my sin out of my life. Sure, there is still sin in my life daily. But since my heart was broken, I learned how to cling to Jesus.

Peace.

Really? That's it? I strived for SO long trying to find peace by doing the right things and praying the right prayers when all I had to do was cling to and depend on Christ? It's bliss, though. It really is. When we let go of our feelings of entitlement and control, and fall helpless before the throne of grace, The Gospel does a FRESH work in our lives. The Gospel that teaches we cannot earn grace, but can only receive it as a gift from The Father. That doesn't change after we're saved. We were, and are, and will be always saved BY GRACE through faith that comes from the Holy Spirit in us.


Matthew 11:29-30

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

What peace He Brings....And Oh, How He Loves.