Outside Myself

I'm in a funk.

I can't stop analyzing everything in my life. The couldda been's, the shouldda been's...the wish they wouldn't have beens. Yeah, we all know what that's like.

The self-over-analyzing is destructive. John Piper says that we get depressed from being stuck inside of ourselves. He write a letter to an insecure, incomplete teenager saying that the happiest people he knows are those who are fascinated with everything but themselves. He then goes on to give the advice to do what you have to do, and don't think of yourself while doing it.

I'm not sure at what point the past couple of weeks that I stopped allowing myself to be fascinated by little things, but I can sure tell a difference in my heart's condition now that I've stopped.

I am selfish.

But there is hope for me yet! Because I know that this is not my identity. I know that in Christ, I am not my old, selfish self anymore. Yes, that person does come through from time to time, but that is only my flesh, as Paul agrees with in Romans. But in the moments that I find my identity in Christ, suddenly everything outside me becomes so fascinating.

And interestingly enough, when I stop focusing on myself so much, I hate myself a lot less. Because I'm not constantly analyzing my every flaw. So by getting outside of myself, I am increasing my love of others, and also increasing my own esteem.

Because if I'm forgiven in free, why would I bind myself to the chains of my sin?

Today I will embrace the grace I've been given. I will venture outside of myself and find fascination in all of God's great creation. And most of all I will be captivated by His great, infinite love. Because Oh, How He does love.