Green Pastures and Still Waters

Just a little reminiscing on the Greatness of God...

I really like to go to the park and go for walks by myself. It's so peaceful and it's really nice to just get away from the busy-ness of college life and just walk slowly for once, taking in the beauty around me.

There's also something very nostalgic about it for me. I've mentioned before that last summer was one of the hardest, driest seasons of my life. If I've ever been in a desert before, that was it. Every day was plagued by crippling anxiety. Even when everything was exactly how I wanted it, I still wasn't happy. I was debilitated by a fear that at any moment everything I loved could be stripped away from me. What I wanted had been ripped from my hands so many times, that I tightened my grip with an iron fist. I exerted so much energy holding onto the things I loved that I lost any energy to actually live. The pain I felt each morning was so present and real that I would wake up really early and wouldn't be able to fall back asleep because of the instant rush of anxiety that flooded my body the moment I opened my eyes. Thinking back to it now makes me realize that it is a miracle that I made it through this time in my life. There was one promise that I held onto, though:

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

I longed so badly to be filled by Christ, but I couldn't find peace or satisfaction anywhere. I lived each day with the goal to simply get through it as quickly and painlessly as I could. I knew that the quicker I got through the day, the sooner I would finally get to the day when I would find rest.

Psalm 23:1-3


The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
    He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
    He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness
    for his name's sake.

So over the course of the summer, this what was happening in my life. I had no idea what was happening, but in retrospect, I see the promises of God being fulfilled in amazing ways.

The greatest coping mechanism I had during this time was to get alone in nature. I would go ride my bike, pull off by a creek, and walk along it, into the woods to a secret place. There I would read the Word, pray, pour my anxieties out, and just wait on the Lord. These were the only moments of peace I found.

In this very place, God himself allured me, brought me into the wilderness, and spoke tenderly to me (Hosea 2). He led me beside the still waters and green pastures, and brought rest to my weary soul. And as he called me out, He asked something of me that I thought I couldn't give. The one thing I had so tightly in my grip that I wasn't willing to give up. But He asked for it. I couldn't believe that He could take it from me yet again, but God does the unthinkable. But the beautiful thing is that all this time of leading me by the still waters and speaking tender words of mercy to me, He was changing my heart. He was preparing me for a path that I couldn't walk alone. So when the day came that He asked for the same thing He asked for several times before and I wouldn't give, I was finally able to give it freely. And in this place, I surrendered.

And peace flooded my soul.

He led me in the path of righteousness, for his name's sake.

And he continues now to call me to the wilderness. He ministers to me daily, preparing my heart for the path ahead. I continue to seek solace in His creation, meeting with Him in the secret place. And now those walks alone in the woods by the creek are flooded with joy and new life. I walk with peace and rest.

It amazes me that God is so invested in us. He spends Himself daily to comfort us and prepare us for the way ahead. The way that leads to life, and life to the fullest (John 10:10).

Ohhh, how He loves!