Reflection

Most of the time I don't like to reminisce because it leads to feelings of sorrow for what once was and is no longer.

But today, I look back into the past year and I rejoice. I rejoice because I have the desire to move forward. To continue. Not to gaze back on what used to be, but to look upon Christ and follow him into the future.

I rejoice because of the friends I've made this year. They have given me the encouragement to let go of the things that hurt me. They've held me when my sin crippled me. They've comforted me when my heart was broken. They motivated me to do everything I can with my life and to live radically for Christ. They've lifted me up and rejoiced with me and they've cried with me. They've accepted me for all of my craziness and weird quirks and never tried to change me. They listened to my ridiculous stories and helped me sift through my wacky emotions. They screamed and giggled with me when my crush asked me on a date. They held my hand when I decided to let that crush go. They accompanied me on random car rides and adventures. They read the Bible with me and prayed with me. They discussed the goodness of God with me. They pondered the mysteries of world and the Gospel with me. They met my parents and my old friends. They loved me. Unconditionally. With grace and mercy. With perfect kindness. With the love of Christ.


My friends have made freshman year of college MUCH more than I ever believed it could be. I look to the past today so that I can see how God has answered my every prayer. I look to the past so that I can compare this day to this same day a year ago when I was sure I would never wake up with joy again. Now I can't remember the last time I was truly unhappy. My heart is full and my faith is strong.

It is a season for rejoicing. And I will look upon my King in awe and wonder as he guides me gently into the secret places of his will.

Today I move out of my dorm. I'm going home. Lord, thank you for how you've carried me. Thank you for your faithfulness to me. I can't comprehend your kindness and love. Your patience with me is incomparable. Today is the last day of freshman year at the University of Arkansas, and I rejoice for what God has done. <3 Oh, How He loves us.

God is True

You know all of these promises we have from God that we try to twist so that it fits in with how we're already living our lives and there's no risk involved for us?

Not sure what I'm talking about? Let me give you an example, from my own life.

Matthew 6:33

"But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added to you."

My initial reaction is, well, what does "seek" mean? Seek comes from a Greek word meaning to search for, as in searching for a treasure or something hidden. (See, I have been learning stuff in Greek class!) What do we do when we've lost something? We search high and low, leaving no possibility out. Even if you're completely certain you didn't leave it somewhere, you look anyway. There's a feeling of desperation, of earnestness. Relating this to seeking the kingdom of God means that we should desperately search for God and his righteousness. Looking everywhere we can think of. Reading scripture, being involved in the church, helping those in need, whatever comes to mind, even if it seems outlandish - out of desperation we try it because we are earnestly seeking God. And we don't do them because we want to look good or appear righteous, but because we are on a hunt for the one true satisfaction, God himself. And the Bible says that if we seek, we will find Him. 

Okay, so I'm reading this and I think it's awesome! How cool, if I desperately seek God first, above all else, I will not only find him, but also He will provide for me in every way ("and all these things will be added to you"). 

Ah, yes, but if I start SEEKING the kingdom of God, that means I'll have to take my eyes off of that boy I'm daydreaming about. That means I'll have to stop spending time thinking of ways to make him fall in love with me. It means I'll have to stop being so obsessed with having the cutest clothes and best makeup. It means I'll have to stop being controlled by my social status and academic achievements. 

But I like those things. I like the idea of being in love. I like looking nice. I like being liked and moving up in the academic world. 

But God promises that if I take my eyes off of those things and seek him and his righteousness, that He will fill my every need. 

So what I do is I say, okay God, I trust you! And I start reading my Bible a little more, start doing more "Christian" things....but still holding on to those other goals. I try to do both at the same time. 

So I don't really believe God's promise. I don't truly believe that if I seek God with abandon that He will provide for me. I think that I'll look everything and be empty.

But I'm trying it now. I'm trying to seek him in the right way. Not holding onto my wish that this guy I'm in love with will return the feelings and chase after me. Not holding onto my goal of maintaining a 4.0 all throughout college. I have only been doing this for maybe like, 2 days. But I'm starting to see a glimpse of how true it is. 

When I saturate myself with God, I am satisfied. When I start looking at these worldly goals, I become anxious. GOD'S WORD IS TRUE. 

I write this so that I'll remember the next time I start to doubt. 

So, when we start to doubt, what do we do? What do we do when the promise doesn't feel true? Let us TRUST in God's word (for it has never failed), and simply do what it says out of faith, and then we will SEE that it is true. God is faithful. His promises are true. And oh, how He loves us.